Parent Tips
The
following guidelines for parents were developed by Dr. Alan
Goldberg, a sports psychologist, in his “Parent and Coach’s
Guide for Winning in the Youth Sports Games.”
- Be supportive
but do not coach. Provide encouragement, empathy and
transportation; help with the team jobs – but
leave the coaching and instruction to the coach.
- Encourage your
child to compete against herself. The ultimate goal
of sports is to challenge oneself and continually improve – but
judging improvement by winning and losing is an unfair
and inaccurate measure. If your child plays her best
and loses, help her feel like a winner.
- Help make the
sport fun for your child. If your child does not enjoy
what she is doing, investigate why. Is it the coaching?
The pressure? Is it you? Keep in mind that in a competitive
program, there should still be room for fun. Remember
who is playing softball. If your child is playing softball
to please you, she is in it for the wrong reason. Avoid
pressuring her with your expectations, or using guilt
or bribery to keep her involved.
- Your child
is not her performance – love her unconditionally!
Do not equate her self-worth with her game totals.
If your daughter misses an easy play, do not respond
with disgust, anger, or withdrawal of love. Remember
the importance of self-esteem. Athletes of all ages
and levels perform in direct relationship to how they
feel about themselves. Do not assault your child’s
self-esteem by degrading, embarrassing, or humiliating
her.
- Teach your
child never to view her opponent as the “bad
guy.” Instead, talk to and make friends with
the parents of your child’s opponent. Root for
great performances and good plays by both sides – not
just for the winner.
- Give the gift
of failure. The most successful athletes are willing
to take more risks than others (and therefore fail
more frequently); they also use their failures as a
positive source of motivation and improvement. Teach
your child to view setbacks and mistakes positively,
and you’ll give her the key to a lifetime of
success.
- Stress process
(skill, acquisition, mastery, fun), not outcome. Help
your child get her focus off how important the contest
is and onto the process at hand. Supportive parents
stress the game itself, not the final score.
- Avoid
comparisons and respect developmental differences.
Comparisons are useless, inaccurate and destructive
because each child matures differently. Worrying about
how another athlete is doing interferes with the child’s
attempt to “stay within” herself. Teach
you child to have a perspective on softball. Help her
develop realistic expectations about herself, her ability,
and her goals – without robbing her
of her dreams.
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